I am the Audience

Dirty Santa

November 27, 2025

family, holidays
We are all too old and particular to need or want other people to do our shopping. But, Xmas still kind of demands some kind of gift exchange. We can’t help ourselves. It’s pretty hilarious when a bunch of adults are trying to sneak around and put things in multiple stockings without being seen.

Our other way of gift giving has become playing Dirty Santa. After an unfortunate round with his own family, my BIL has instituted a one-steal-only rule and, with 12 or 13 participants, it keeps us from going into the next day.

If you don’t know the game, here are the rules:
- Everyone brings a single gift that should be fun for at least one (preferably more) other member of the group. Not something like “Sis wants this particular pair of earrings”. More like “I really love this book and I think at least 3 of my family might like to read it.”
- We set a maximum price at $50. It doesn’t have to be that much. But, that’s to keep stuff from getting out of hand and anyone from feeling stressed about extravagant expectations. A $5 joke gift that cracks us all up is perfectly acceptable.
- All gifts are wrapped with no name on the label.
- Gifts go in a big pile.
- Everyone draws a number.
- Person 1 picks a gift and opens it. Everyone expresses delight or makes a joke or whatever.
- Person 2 either picks a gift or takes the gift Person 1 has already unwrapped and Person 1 opens another package. In my family, if their first gift was taken, Person 1 is now safe from stealing.
- Person 3 either picks an unopened gift or takes a previously opened gift and that person opens another package.
- Continue until everything is unwrapped.
- You only have to give up a gift once. If your first gift is taken, your second gift is safe.
- A single gift may be taken by multiple people. But, no one ends up being the solitary unwrapper. At most, some of us open 2 gifts. And some of us never actually open one. But, those people knew what we were choosing.
One year, an excellent travel bag and a bottle of bourbon were each “stolen” 3 or 4 times.

This year, my sister has requested that those of us who are creative contribute something we’ve made. So, Chuck is bringing a framed photo. My BIL, who is a woodworker, is making something (probably a mirror in a frame of especially lovely wood). I think my nephew’s GF is knitting something. I was given a significant look when I was seen crocheting an infinity scarf for a friend and made to know that I am included in that group.

I found some unplyed felted Peruvian merino wool yarn at the the Hillsborough Yarn Store that’s gorgeous and cost me $25. But, there was only 1 skein in that particular color combinaton and I have never worked with this stuff before. Even if there had been a second skein, I have no clue how to join them gracefully.

There’s not enough for an infinity scarf. And my count was off a couple of times so it became a trapezoid. I thought a cowl might work. But, the pattern that I tried flipped both times I started it, turning into a Möbius strip. I think I’ve ripped it and started over 7 times.

I finally made a muffler that will cross their chest and go down into their coat. It won’t wrap around their neck without a pin to hold it.

My BIL was asking his wife about price vs value and talking about how much more expensive his gift would be than $50 if you count his time, etc. He was mostly bitching about having a limit on generosity. But, if he brings it up on Xmas day, I’m going to tell him that’s a $600 dollar muffler and he needs to shut up.

My finished product.
Keeping up appearances

November 17, 2025

Beautiful

I think people have always been judged by their appearance. “He has such big muscles, he must be stupid.” “She’s so beautiful, she can’t be smart.” “They’re wearing glasses, they must be smart.” “They like to wear black, they must be weird in a particular way.” Brunettes are smarter than blondes and redheads have nasty tempers. That list could go on all afternoon.

I suspect every single human feels that there is some way that they have been unfairly judged based on their appearance, including all the Beautiful People. And I think we have all taken in societal expectations so much that we are our own worst critics.

I am hoping that talking about what those expectations are and how ridiculous most of them are is helping us to do 2 things that are sides of a coin. One is to quit being critical of ourselves and the other is to look at each other without looking for norms. But, instead to see the fabulousness that abounds.

Public conversation about it has helped me unlearn a lot of expectations. In particular, who gets to wear what. I wish the “why did I buy into that?” moments had come sooner. But, they didn’t.

This gave me joy. So many people, so many ways to decorate their bodies.

I love this. pictolic.com/article/what-do-athletes39-bodies-look-like-in-different-sports
Who?

October 11, 2025

a day in this life, family, Laughing

When Chuck first started sharing his work, he made zines. He gave them / sent them, free of charge, to anyone he knew that was interested in having them. After he had done several, a friend suggested that he get a space at a zinefest at The Fruit in Durham. So, he did.

We tend to share access to stuff. Like, he uses my phone number to get the discounts at groceries. And we both use the same login to Duke Power and our credit union.

When it was time to pay for his table, they were taking PayPal for the fee and I am the one with a PayPal account. I hate PayPal. When I had occasion to change my name, they thought they should be given copies of paperwork that I thought (and still think) isn’t their business. If I want to call myself Murgatroyd von Pussylips, it is not their business to get documentation as long as the info connected to the bank is valid. And I wanted to change my usename. Nothing else. I did not think it was their business to see my marriage license to justify changing that.

So, I try not to use them. I don’t want to give them money.

BUT, I still have that account and Chuck needed to send money. So, it was used.

When it was time to load in, it took a few minutes to locate. Because, in spite of the form he filled out to register the space, this was what we finally found.
The Great Pawpaw Experiment

September 12, 2025

dirt under my nails, pawpaw, plants

There were only 3 seeds in the bag, not the 5 that I expected. Still free. Still more than one.

I have put one in a pot about thumb deep.

The other 2 are back in the bag and in the refrigerator.

So elaborate

Since they have to get and stay cold to germinate and I don’t trust NC winter to actually do either long enough to be useful, I’m hedging my bets.

Last winter would probably have been effective. I suspect that the 2 previous years were not.
Pawpaws

September 7, 2025

a day in this life, dirt under my nails, grow your own, plants

I went to the NC State Extension Service Pawpaw Field Day yesterday. Since I have had pawpaws growing in my back yard almost as long as I have had Chuck in my life and have never had fruit, I felt the need to touch base with people who know something about them.

I got to taste fresh fruit, ice cream and bread. It does have its own flavor, which is very mild. I really couldn’t tell it was in the ice cream. The bread was delicious and, until I get some actual pawpaws, will be good made with bananas or persimmons.

They have a collection of 30 varieties of pawpaw trees at the Forsyth County Agriculutural Building and collect ripe fruit to freeze the pulp in anticipation of the day. The fruit is only good for about 3 days at room temp, 5 days in the fridge. They do not ripen in a way to allow growers to pick them green for shipping. But, pulp freezes just fine.

The woman who led my group through that collection said she can’t tell the varieties apart by taste. A woman in the group said she definitely could.

Along with getting to taste, I picked up a baggie of seeds. Everybody has told me something different about why I don’t have fruit. My arborist says it’s because of how they open and close their sex-changing flowers and has nothing to do with requiring cross-pollination. One collection of Master Gardeners said I need a different variety of plant that what I already have, like you do with blueberries. Someone else said that as long as you have separate trees near each other, they will pollinate each other just fine; it doesn’t need to be different varieties.

The guy that gave me the baggie of seeds said they just bag up what they have from collecting fruit for the festival. So, I mostly likely have more than one kind in the bag.

Since our winters have gotten so erratic, I don’t really trust the weather to germinate what is simply outside. Maybe yes, maybe no. So, I plan to put a couple of seeds in a pot by the shed and the rest in the fridge until Spring and then stick those straight in the ground. Maybe put one of them in another pot to see how that does. I think there are 5 in the bag.

I’ve been waiting this long. What’s another 5-8 years for fruit?