I am the Audience

Language of my child

February 18, 2022

family

My sister had some friends who thought that the mispronunciations of their child were cute and adopted them into the language of their family. The kid had to go to speech therapy for several months to learn to talk once he began school. I have never been inclined to use baby talk anyway. But, that definitely inspired me to talk to my child as I wished them to speak.

That said, sometimes the way my child learned language often amused me.

We used to love to get the large Entenmann’s Danish pastry to keep around for breakfast or snacks. One morning, I asked C what they wanted for breakfast. “Breakfast.” “Well, yeah. But, what? Cheesey eggs? Grits?” “I want Breakfast.” and pointed to the box. Apparently, I had offered for breakfast often enough that C thought that was the word for it. And we did call it that from then on.

I was never sure how the confusion about the difference between cookies and crackers happened. But, I do recall how mad they got when they asked me for a cracker and got exactly that. They wanted a cookie and it took us a minute to work out where the confusion lay. It only took one explanation of “If you want the sweet one say ‘cookie’ and if you want the not-sweet one say ‘cracker’.” for them to always be accurate after that.

When they were learning to read, they came home from school and told me their teacher didn’t know how to spell juice. “She thinks it’s spelled JUICE.” I asked how they thought it was spelled. “DJOOS” I said “Actually, she’s correct. But, I can see why you thought it was the other way. It does have kind of weird spelling.” C said, “Well, dang. I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all along.”

It’s been fun discussing language with this person for 30 years.
I hate squirrels

February 11, 2022

a day in this life, birdwatching

They’re cute. They’re fluffy. They have those adorable little paws. And they are total assholes. Also, stupid.

When I moved into a duplex in Charleston, SC, there was a tiny piece of yard. I planted 24 crocus bulbs. Squirrels dug up every one, took a single bite, hated it and tried the next one. They never learned that if it looks exactly the same, it is going to be just as nasty.

That was the start of my loathing. And nothing has changed my mind.

When Vash was debating being a yard cat, we left kibble out for him. We spotted cardinals helping themselves when it had snowed and decided that bird feeders were in order.

And the squirrels thought they should help themselves.

IF they didn’t also help themselves to tomatoes, more bulbs and strawberries, I might be inclined to be more kindly. But, they’re just destructive and I refuse to encourage them.

We have 3 Squirrel Buster feeders off the deck and think it’s funny, in a mean way, when new squirrels try to figure out how to get in them. It’s doesn’t work. Those things are effective. And watching squirrels bouncing around on them is vastly entertaining.

One night, something tore up the alternative squirrel-proof feeder my husband put in the front yard. It might have been the bear. It might have been a raccoon or opossum. It wasn’t a squirrel. So, that feeder goes in and out instead of remaining available.

And, since birds are dribblers, the squirrels do have one shot at getting snacks from us.

I don’t mind them cleaning up the wasted millet. They are clearly not starving.
Anatomy of Peace by John Roedel

January 26, 2022

dancing in the field of dreams, poetry and songs

my brain and
heart divorced

a decade ago

over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become

eventually,
they couldn’t be
in the same room
with each other

now my head and heart
share custody of me

I stay with my brain
during the week

and my heart
gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another
– instead, they give me
– the same note to pass
– to each other every week
and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:

“This is all your fault”

on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past

and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future

they blame each
other for the
state of my life

there’s been a lot
of yelling – and crying
so,
lately, I’ve been
spending a lot of
time with my gut
who serves as my
unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage

and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut’s plush leather chair
that’s always open for me

~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up

last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head

I nodded

I said I didn’t know
if I could live with
either of them anymore

“my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,”
I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

“I just can’t live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,”
I sighed

my gut smiled and said:

“in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,”

I was confused
– the look on my face gave it away
“if you are exhausted about
your heart’s obsession with
the fixed past and your mind’s focus
on the uncertain future

your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out.”

this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves

and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs

I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs

before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said

“what took you so long?”

~ John Roedel (johnroedel.com)
Cake!

January 15, 2022

a day in this life, family, food & drink

We had a party, ages ago, and I wanted to make carrot cake. But, I decided that slices of cake was awkward because it can be hard to slice that very thin. With everything else on the table, I didn’t expect people to want large pieces.

So, I decided on miniature cupcakes. They would be a couple of bites and folks could have as little or as much suited them. In addition, rather than frost all of them, I put the frosting in a bowl so that people could have as little or as much as they preferred. (My child doesn’t care for frosting and would always pick it off. That made me think there might be other people in the world who felt the same way.).

At the end of the night, most of the cupcakes were gone and the bowl of frosting was almost untouched. My family didn’t bother finishing what was left either.

I have quit bothering to make layered cakes. Instead I make cupcakes and freeze most of them. This allows us to have more manageable portion control. A cupcake thaws pretty quickly and we don’t feel that we have to eat a whole cake in a week.

Also, I’ve quit frosting the carrot cupcakes and finally realized that, without the frosting, they are, indeed, muffins.
Saskatchewan screamer

January 14, 2022

a day in this life, Southern culture

People new to the South watch us get ready for a snow storm and laugh at us. That’s because they haven’t lived through it, yet.

The problem isn’t the snow. It’s the ice that happens as the snow thaws during the day and freezes after the sun goes down. Particularly in shady areas. Major roads get salted and plowed. But, the secondary roads don’t. It’s not worth the expense to keep a huge fleet of snow plows ready when we may not even get snow in a given year. Or just get it for a couple of days.

So, we hunker down and, for the most part, enjoy the mini vacations that are snow days.

If ice takes out power lines, people with fireplaces use them. They break out the candles and camping gear. People without fireplaces get out all the blankets and wear coats and gloves inside. And go stay with family and friends who do.

And, for some reason, a lot of people make what my husband calls a French Toast Run. I’m not sure why so many people decide that now is the time to buy extra eggs, milk and bread. But, those things get bought up quicker than anything else at the grocery. The eggs, at least, still need cooking. I don’t ever notice a surfeit of deviled eggs after a snow storm as unneeded boiled eggs get used up.

My employer gets hotel rooms for workers who live an inconvenient distance from our workplace. And, because I work for the major employer in my area, the roads from the interstate to my building with get plowed quickly. They contract with someone to do the parking lots quickly and probably more than once, too.

So, I’m packing for a couple of nights in a hotel after work tomorrow.

I’m expecting it to start snowing tomorrow night and turn into a “heavy wintry mix” that will make driving hazardous. With ice on secondary roads all day Sunday. They’ve already started salting the main roads. Since it’s not precipitating yet, that should be effective. There may only be 2-4 inches of snow. But, the ice part is still the problem.

The last time they put me up, my car got stuck behind a hill of ice that the snowplow left behind. It took me a cold hour to stomp and kick my way out of that. Now, I have a folding snow shovel in my car. And a long handled, heavy duty scraper with a brush to clear everything off the car before I try to drive. It’s rude to let snow blow back on other drivers if you can help it.

There’s a neighbor at the far end of my road who plows for us. But, the 3 miles between me and the interstate are sketchy. Lots of shade and it doesn’t usually get salted. I expect I’ll be able to get home by midday on Monday, being very careful on the last leg.

Language of my child

I hate squirrels

Anatomy of Peace by John Roedel

Cake!

Saskatchewan screamer